It's Suddenly Real

I've been trying to post this for several days, but work has been crazy.

My OB appointment went great. Most of my worries were taken care of and when I see the actual OB at the next appointment, she can answer my last few questions best. Wednesday, I saw the CNM in the practice. She no longer delivers babies, but I will likely see her for many of my appointments. I'm still not totally sold on these docs purely because there is a very good chance that my doc will not deliver my baby. They have a pool of local docs and they split the on call time. Unfortunately from what I can tell, all of the other docs I was planning to look at are in the same on call pool, so it would be the same situation. When I go back the doc can tell me what percent of her patients she actually delivers.

Talking to the midwife was great. She was not worried at all about my weight loss. We talked about my current diet and my past diet. She felt confident that I was loosing weight because I had made such a big change in a positive direction (aside from the brownies that a customer brought us today).

She planned to listen to the heartbeat with the doppler. But with my extra padding and how early it is, she wasn't able to find it. She looked at me and smiled as she said, "This won't be official, but lets take a peak." As soon as she turned on the monitor, there it was. Its starting to look like an actual person. It jumped around and waved its arms. I instantly got teary eyed as she was pointing out each little body part. It was just a quick peek and then back to the rest of the appointment.

We continued talking about all of my questions. They are also sending me for a first trimester scan at the high-risk OBGYN. That will be October 6th. Its going to be a very long appointment. 1 hour with a genetic counselor going over family medical histories, then the ultrasound (I think its the NT scan) that will take at least 30 mins, then we see the actual doctor then I go for bloodwork. They estimate 2.5 hours!

They are also sending me to a Diabetic Nutrition Counselor. This is the standard practice at the OBGYNs for anyone with PCOS. It should be a good thing to help keep my risk of gestational diabetes down.

After the appointment, as I was checking out, I had a really hard time keeping it together. When I got to my car, I bawled for at least 5 minutes before I could go anywhere. It suddenly felt so real. There really is a little person in me. I was so happy and so scared and so sad all at once. Sad mostly cause it was a surprise ultrasound so hubby wasn't there to see it. I'm still having a hard time processing all of it. My body doesn't do what it is supposed to do. I keep expecting it to fail me again. I guess that probably won't go away til I'm holding a baby.

So there it is, the post I've been trying to write for days.

On another note, I am so happy for so many of you ladies who have recently gotten your BFPs!!! And I am rooting for all of you who are still working toward yours! I'm thinking lots of happy thoughts for you all!!!