Wednesday, September 28, 2011

I Thought I Was Done With Needles!

Yesterday I had an appointment at the local Diabetes Center. My OBGYN automatically sends all preggos with PCOS to them for monitoring to prevent Gestational Diabetes. I was all for this since Gestational Diabetes is one of my big fears.

I sat down with the lady and we went over my typical diet (typical since pregnancy). She was actually quite impressed. I seem to be on the right track. She made a few changes, mainly adding things instead of taking them away surprisingly. Her main point was that anytime I eat carbs, I should also eat some protein to help slow the impact on my blood sugar. I can handle that. I am now armed with pecans, cheese sticks and turkey lunch meat.

She also gave me a blood glucose meter (I think thats what its called) and wants me to test my blood sugar 4 times a day. I was so bummed. I really thought I was done with stabbing myself daily. And now 4 times a day! Luckily its not really that bad. It took a bit to get the depth right. I want the needle to poke enough to make it bleed good, but not so much that it actually hurts once the bleeding stops. It also took a number of wasted strips before I got the hang of how much blood it takes.

After getting my results and talking to my mom (who is an RN and has worked with diabetic patients for years), I'm not as confident with the info I was given yesterday. The lady told me that I should test in the morning before breakfast for my fasting blood sugar levels. Today this was 82. She told me that it should be between 60-70. This result has me confused. I am also supposed to test 2 hours after each meal. For this she didn't give me a range. She just said it should be around 120. When my after breakfast result yesterday was 77, I thought "Well crap. My body is doing stuff wrong again. No big surprise." Then after lunch it was 76. I was freaked. I had eaten a good healthy lunch. Why was the result so far from what she said it would be? I emailed my hubby. He agreed that I should call the lady and see what was up.

I called her and told her about my two 70s results. She sounded excited and said "Wow thats great!" If thats a great result, why the heck didn't she give me a range? Why did she say around 120? 76 is not around 120! I call 44 points difference a big one!

When I got off work yesterday I called my mom. She is my go to person for all medical info. Being an RN in various settings has given her a good amount of knowledge on most fairly common medical issues. And living in South/Central Texas (Texas being one of the fattest states) has given her lots of experience with patients with diabetes. I told mom about the days results and she said "Great! You body is doing what its supposed to do!" We were both surprised about that. Mom said that normal results should be between 70 and 110 so I'm not sure where she got that 120 result idea. I think she was giving me the normal for someone with a diabetes. But I'm not diabetic. I thought the whole idea was to keep me from becoming diabetic.

I have an appointment in 2 weeks so when I go back I will try to find out what the heck is going on. Until then I will go with what my mummy says (the internets agree) and celebrate the fact that my body is doing something right!!!!! It was even normal after I ate a doughnut with my breakfast! Yay me!

Monday, September 26, 2011

When Should This or That Symptom Start?

I'm starting to see why some women hate all those pregnancy books. I am definitely NOT fitting those timelines for most things. The books say morning sickness is usually worse in the morning and generally happens from 6 weeks to 13 weeks. Mine didn't start until 1pm. Ever. And it started at 4 weeks and was gone by 10 weeks. Go me. 2 weeks ahead of the game.

Most of the books say, nesting starts around 5 months and often not until later. I'm apparently 2 months ahead on this one too! For the past two weekends, I find myself unable to sit lazily on the couch. As I was watching some random tv show on Netflix, I noticed that the bottom shelf of our living room bookcase was a big mess. Normally I would think, man I should clean that, but end up getting sucked into the show again and forget. Can you tell that I'm not a neat freak? But this weekend, it drove me NUTS! I had to clean it. Then when I was putting away a pair of shoes that was on the floor near the book shelf, I noticed how chaotic the coat/shoe closet was. After two trashbags of stuff to send to the local thrift store and a dust pan full of pet hair (sorry, but how can they shed their own body weight in fur monthly?) the closet is nicely organized and clean. Each project lead me to the next until we ended up with a totally cleaned down stairs (including steam cleaning the whole downstairs). Granted hubby did most of the steam cleaning since I had run out of energy by then, but still. This is not like me.

I am speculating that this instinct is hitting early because we may be moving during the normal nesting time. We are still hoping that hubby will get hired on permenantly at the lab, but the best option would be if his group formed a company. In that case, we would end up moving about 45 minutes away. I am terrified that we are going to end up moving when I am 7 or 8 months pregnant. I feel like it is too early to do much now, but I also don't want to wait because we could me moving. And in reality, we could be moving cross country (New Mexico to DC) if hubby gets any of the jobs he applied for recently. We still have no clue what's going to happen.

So maybe its a really good thing that I'm not sticking to the "typical" timeline. And as my mom would say, its not out of the ordinary for me to be wierd. My nickname as a kids was Gonzo (yep, because of the muppet).

Friday, September 23, 2011

It's Suddenly Real

I've been trying to post this for several days, but work has been crazy.

My OB appointment went great. Most of my worries were taken care of and when I see the actual OB at the next appointment, she can answer my last few questions best. Wednesday, I saw the CNM in the practice. She no longer delivers babies, but I will likely see her for many of my appointments. I'm still not totally sold on these docs purely because there is a very good chance that my doc will not deliver my baby. They have a pool of local docs and they split the on call time. Unfortunately from what I can tell, all of the other docs I was planning to look at are in the same on call pool, so it would be the same situation. When I go back the doc can tell me what percent of her patients she actually delivers.

Talking to the midwife was great. She was not worried at all about my weight loss. We talked about my current diet and my past diet. She felt confident that I was loosing weight because I had made such a big change in a positive direction (aside from the brownies that a customer brought us today).

She planned to listen to the heartbeat with the doppler. But with my extra padding and how early it is, she wasn't able to find it. She looked at me and smiled as she said, "This won't be official, but lets take a peak." As soon as she turned on the monitor, there it was. Its starting to look like an actual person. It jumped around and waved its arms. I instantly got teary eyed as she was pointing out each little body part. It was just a quick peek and then back to the rest of the appointment.

We continued talking about all of my questions. They are also sending me for a first trimester scan at the high-risk OBGYN. That will be October 6th. Its going to be a very long appointment. 1 hour with a genetic counselor going over family medical histories, then the ultrasound (I think its the NT scan) that will take at least 30 mins, then we see the actual doctor then I go for bloodwork. They estimate 2.5 hours!

They are also sending me to a Diabetic Nutrition Counselor. This is the standard practice at the OBGYNs for anyone with PCOS. It should be a good thing to help keep my risk of gestational diabetes down.

After the appointment, as I was checking out, I had a really hard time keeping it together. When I got to my car, I bawled for at least 5 minutes before I could go anywhere. It suddenly felt so real. There really is a little person in me. I was so happy and so scared and so sad all at once. Sad mostly cause it was a surprise ultrasound so hubby wasn't there to see it. I'm still having a hard time processing all of it. My body doesn't do what it is supposed to do. I keep expecting it to fail me again. I guess that probably won't go away til I'm holding a baby.

So there it is, the post I've been trying to write for days.

On another note, I am so happy for so many of you ladies who have recently gotten your BFPs!!! And I am rooting for all of you who are still working toward yours! I'm thinking lots of happy thoughts for you all!!!

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Why am I Suddenly Terrified?

I have been doing fine most of the time. Going from one ultrasound to the next was a bit unnerving, but I was nauseous so I figured everything was fine. Now that the nausea is gone, I'm starting to worry. Since the transfer, I have lost almost 30 pounds. At first I wasn't worried because I was so nauseous that I wasn't eating much. Now I'm not feeling so crummy and I'm trying to eat more. All the books say that I should be slowly starting to gain weight, but when I stepped on the scale this morning I was down another pound.

I'm not too worried because I am overweight. By quite a bit. Well it was quite a bit at my top weight, now its down to just overweight. My top weight included 8 pounds of water weight from my retrieval. So I'm really only down about 22 pounds of my actual weight.

But it has been a long time since I was down this low. Like college. Dorm food was helpful for loosing weight. Now its just that I'm eating healthy. Previously we tried to eat veggies, but there were definitely days that we didn't have any. Now I'm often eating a salad (with carrots, cheese, sunflower seeds, chickpeas & ham) for lunch, carrots & cucumbers or apples for snacks and two types of veggies at least with dinner. Most of the carbs I get are from my snacks between meals. Pretzel sticks and the like. Right now I'm munching on some Teddy Grahams. But it still seems strange to be loosing this much weight. I'm almost 11 weeks so thats more than 2 pounds per week of total loss.

Part of me is totally excited about the loss, but most of me is worried. I am now terrified that my doc is gonna flip tomorrow when I tell her.

I'm also just scared. For no specific reason. Just terrified. I'm hoping tomorrow eases my fears, at least for a few days.

Monday, September 19, 2011

What's Been Happening in My World...

Well mostly sleep. I am still trying for 11 or 12 hours of sleep, but its starting to be harder to get. My back has started hurting some, which seems odd to me since the kid is still tiny. But oh well. I am trying very diligently to work on my posture.

I am also going up to my HR department to see how I can get a better chair cause mine is not only crummy, its broken. When I move the back support up to a decent (not good, but better) position, it falls back down as soon as I lean against it. I asked for a new chair months ago, but instead they sent a repair guy who said it was not repairable. They still didn't replace it. We are a small business so its not that surprising. But I'm hoping that being preggo will get me somewhere.

Aside from that, not much is going on with me. Hubby is working lots of long days and weekends in the hopes that a company will be started soon using the stuff that they are developing at work. If this happens we will likely be moving. We won't have to move far (less than an hour), but moving at all is so stressful. Plus it making it so that I can't start to get the baby's room (we have just allowed ourselves to start calling it that instead of the "room full of crap") ready. I'm not ready to get furniture or anything like that, but I do want to paint and do a mural on the closet doors. I also want to buy a closet organizing system so that we can make the most of our tiny closet. But I don't want to do any of that if we may end up moving in the next 6 months. Odds are pretty good that the baby will be brought to this house after its born. But we may move soon after that. Or we may move sooner. Its so unsettled that I'm leery of doing anything. So instead I watch netflix and read trashy romance novels.

Nothing much interesting is happening right now. Hopefully soon hubby will know about his job status, but til then we are in a holding pattern.

I see my OB (well the midwife in her practice) on Wednesday. I am getting a list of questions together. I know lots of people (5) who saw her and were induced to fit her schedule. Only 1 of them really needed to be induced. I will NOT be induced to fit a schedule. I am going to be a pain in the butt if they want me to conform the them. I don't have lots of options for OBs because of where we live. I am hoping to stick with the one I know and have liked as my GYN for years, but I will not take a cookie-cutter treatment. All of the "natural" feeling was taken from me as far as conception. I will fight for what I want as far as care and delivery. I really wish we had a good birthing center.

I feel crazy talking about this stuff now at 10 weeks 4 days. But then I also don't want to change doctors late in the game.

Alright, now my totally random rambling post is done and I will try not to disappear as much soon. I'm still having a hard time with this bloggind about pregnancy without loosing the IF side. I know it has shaped me so I can't really lose it, but I sort of want to. Who knows. Maybe one day I will figure out what I want to say/

Friday, September 9, 2011

Random Updates

I am now off Metformin, Progesterone in Oil & Lovenox!!! I feel so much better without the Metformin. As long as I eat before I get hungry (which super annoys me cause I'm not a snacker), my nausea is almost totally gone. I thought without the nausea I would freak and worry that things were going wrong. Not the case so far. I feel so...strange that there is no question about whether I'm still preggo. Plus all I have to do is listen to county music, start crying and realize that there is nothing to worry about.

My ovaries are still HUGE so I took the leap and bought a pair of maternity jeans (thank you Target for selling on Amazon!). Now I just need some work pants cause Fall is fast approaching. It will be too chilly to wear most of my skirts within the month. I was very scared to buy maternity stuff so early (I'm 9 weeks 1 day) but I'm also too broke to imagine buying a new size of pants then go and buy maternity stuff in a month or two (not really broke, but with hubby's job situation, we are trying to spend every extra penny paying off IVF debt).

Currently my biggest symptom is epic tiredness combined with an inability to sleep well. Its very frustrating. I think all of the animals may get locked out of the room soon. Last night one of our cats, Lola used my bladder as a spring board twice and then started eating my hair. She is a freak, but it made me have to run pee two extra times.

As of this past Tuesday, I graduated from my RE to a regular OBGYN (with an occasional visit to the Hi Risk OB). I am sad that I will no longer get weekly ultrasounds, but glad that things are going so well. I'm starting to think this whole thing may work out.