Friday, May 18, 2012

I Missed His 1 Month Post!

Happy 1 Month Birthday Monkey!

One of my co-workers got Fin this adorable sheriff outfit, complete with fringe!

This month he:
  • has already grown out of newborn diapers.
  • is close to growing out of some of his newborn clothes.
  • is starting to be awake even more and looks around a ton!
  • can get out of any self wrapped swaddle. Only the Velcro ones will keep him in for a while, though he can get his arms out the top and bottom of those.
  • doesn't sleep well at night! He hardly ever sleeps longer than 1.5 hours and that is usually only when he is laying on me. 
  • does a lot of what we call his Fin exercises. He flips his arms around in a windmill like motion. It is SO cute!
  • loves his daddy. I love seeing him with his dad. Hubby is so great with him.
  • is growing so much! He was 7lb 8oz at birth and he is now 8lb 4oz! His growth was slow at first, but now he is growing like a weed!
This month I:
  • left him with dad for a couple of small trips. It was so strange to leave the house without him!
  • turned 30! I just barely made my goal of having a baby by 30. He was born on the 13th and I turned 30 on the 30th.
  • started taking Fenugreek to increase my supply cause my little guy is SO hungry all the time. So now I smell like celery, but I have more milk :)
  • cried when my mom left. I was worried that by the end of her 11 days here we would be ready to kill each other, but actually it was amazing. We had a great time and I bawled like a baby when she left.
  • watched the entire series of Greys Anatomy & Bones, most of Arrested Development & the IT Crowd and some of Crossing Jordan. Like I said, he eats all the time so I watch Netflix!
I'm sure there is lots more from this month, but that's all I've got for now. I can't wait to see what he does next month!

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Fin's Birth Story

Before I really start, I want to say that my labor was not the perfect experience that we all hope for. If you are close to your time, you may want to wait to read this story. I did not go unmedicated as planned. I was VERY close to a c-section. I have made peace with my decisions and know that I did what was needed to get my munchkin here safely.

Also this is gonna be VERY really long. Labor was around 24 hours with lots of plan changes along the way.

On Thursday, I went to Santa Fe to pick up my mom. She flew in to Albuquerque then rode a shuttle to Santa Fe so that I wouldn't have to drive so far. We had lunch then did some shopping and killed time until my OB appointment at 3:15pm. I was only 1.5 cm dilated. We figured lots of walking was in our future. On the way home I had my first couple of painful contractions.

Contractions continued all afternoon. Nothing too regular, but they were getting more and more intense. We had fast food for dinner cause my hubby had put in a very long day and mom and I were worn our from our long day of being pregnant for me and traveling for her. I highly recommend staying away from fast food in your last bit of pregnancy, just in case you go into labor. It made me feel gross.

Mom & hubby went to bed. By that point we were all wondering if it might happen that night. We had timed some contractions, but nothing was closer than 5 minutes and not all were that close. We wanted to wait for things to get more steady before making the 45 minute drive.

I tried to lay down for a while, but laying down during the contractions was terrible. I snoozed on the couch until around 12:30am. I got hubby up after a while, mainly cause it sucks to be in pain alone. We watched most of a movie before I had to run to the bathroom to throw up. We called the on call doc, luckily it was my doc.

Around 2:30 she said to go ahead and come in, even though the contractions weren't totally regular. The throwing up seemed to make it all more likely to be real. The drive was uneventful. The contractions were fairly steady at 5 mins apart.

The ER got very busy just after we walked in. Luckily, we were first in line. We were taken up to the triage for the maternity ward. I got changed and hooked up to the monitors. Contractions were down to every 6-7 minutes. I was immediately bummed, thinking that we were going to be sent home. They checked my dilation and it was now 3cm. The doc came by to see how it was going, and I was very excited to see that it was my doc who was on call.

They had us walk around for 30 minutes before checking again to see if we stay or go home. When we got back to check I was already 5 cm! We were staying. It wad 5:45am and our munchkin was coming that day! Before they moved me, they wanted to make sure that the munchkin was okay. His heart rate slowed down a bit with contractions. All it took to get it normal again was changing positions.  ***Note to all pregnant women - Change positions often!! They had me in the typical horrible on my back position for a long time. All it took to fix the heart rate slowing was switching to my side.***

At that point we got moved to our actual room. Most of the time until here, aside from the walking, was spent in bed on the monitor. I was lucky enough to have long breaks between contractions, but I was still progressing. I could even sort of snooze between contractions.

Once we were set up in our room, we started walking after some more time on the monitor. My doc came in around 7am just before she went off call. She wanted to break my water. I told her I was only okay with that if I was still allowed to use the tub. Most docs don't let you use the tub after your water breaks, but mine does. Since she was going off call, I wanted to make sure that the new doc coming on would be okay with it. Once I got the okay, she broke my water. At this point I was a 7 cm.

After my water was broken, contractions intensified, but they still were about 6 minutes apart. I was feeling good about my chances of going natural. I felt great. I was still able to talk between contractions. My mood was great. I was talking with my mom & hubby. Family was calling my mom off and on. We joked about how my big sis was going to be so jealous. I was already at 7 cm in about 9 hours of active labor. My sis labored for 24 hours before having a c-section because she is tiny and her kiddo was 10lbs!

We should have kept our mouths shut. We walked and walked and walked. When I went back on the monitor the checked me again and I was still 7 cm. We moved on to the tub to give me a break and hopefully move things along as I relaxed. And I must say all the women who say laboring in water takes away lots of the pain are right! It didn't take it all away, but it made it where I was able to talk through the contractions again.

One thing that I have yet to mention is how AMAZING my hubby was the whole time! He rubbed my back and used counter pressure on every contraction. My mom helped with getting water and juice and arranged my pillows. her knowledge of hospitals was endlessly helpful! She is an OR nurse so she knows lots about the hospital. They worked together so well I was amazed. Having two support people was totally necessary!

Back to the story...after we got out of the tub, they checked me again and I was STILL at 7 cm. It was after 10 at this point. The nurses started mentioning Pitocin as a possibility. They knew that I wanted to go natural and we all knew that Pitocin would end that possibility. So before we got there we walked more. Then we used the breast pump. Nipple stimulation definitely kicks up the contractions. As I was pumping a contraction would hit. Hubby would rub my lower back and hold my water cup. Mom grabbed the pump parts (I don't know what the parts that go on your boobies are called :). It was a total team effort. Then I got nauseous and we needed a 4th person to hold the puke bucket, but we made it work.

After a while they checked me again. It was a bit after noon and I was again STILL at 7 cm. 5 hours of contractions at 7 cm. I was getting very tired. Everyone could see it, but it was hard to accept that we needed to do more.

My nurse came back in and told us that the doc was officially calling this failure to progress. So Pitocin. The nurses left us to talk about it. I was crying very hard. This was not the plan. I did all the things they suggest to move labor along. We walked, bathed, showered (I think I forgot to mention that part), used the breast pump. Not much else could be done naturally. So I cried. And the called the anesthesiologist. I couldn't handle the more intense contractions without an epidural. After a bit, the anesthesiologist came in and said "So I hear you want an epidural." I told her "No but do it anyway." Then I cried some more.

The epidural wasn't that bad. After it was in place, they had me lay on my side and they started the Pitocin. I have no clue on the timeline of the next part because this is when I was totally out of it. The Pitocin started working and the contractions were coming quicker and harder. They still were 4 mins apart or so, but they were way more intense. The epidural started to work on my left side, but my right side was like white hot pain. They switched the side I was laying on to get the epidural to go into the other side. They called the anesthesiologist and she said to wait a bit to let it start working. At this point, I was not able to handle the pain. I was writhing in agony. It was almost as if by blocking the pain on half my body, it was so much worse on the other side.

The anesthesiologist came back in and looked at everything. She still wanted to wait a bit until she saw me during a couple of contractions. At that point she said we should do a spinal to give me complete relief for a while. I didn't want to do something else. The epidural was bad enough, but I was worried that I would pass out and end up needing a c-section. So I got the spinal and oh man was that wonderful!!!

Looking back, I feel like this portion of labor should be more than 2 paragraphs because it was the part that was the hardest both physically and emotionally. I was in so much pain and I was so pissed that I broke down and got the epidural and it didn't work. When they did the spinal the also did another epidural for when the spinal wore off. The worst part about getting the spinal and 2nd epidural was that they had to pull off the giant piece of tape that held it all in place. I am very sensitive to the glue on tape and bandaids so my whole back became a giant itch. Of course I didn't notice that at the time, but I did notice the skin ripping feel of the tape coming off.

The anesthesiologist also put in a second epidural for when the spinal wore off since it was just a temporary measure to give me full relief since I was so worn out from the contractions. I would have been fine to go to pushing after the regular contractions, but with the crazy intensity of the pitocin contractions, no way could I push soon without a rest. The spinal allowed me to sleep for a while. The nurse said they would let me "labor down" for a while. I'm guessing that means that they wanted the baby to move further down. As I slept, I went from 7 to complete. After I got to 10 cm I rested for a while longer before we got to the point of pushing.

I started pushing sometime between 4:30 and 5pm. Because of the spinal, I could not feel anything. A spinal is a lot more than an epidural. I put my hand on my thigh and didn't realize that it was a part of my body. My mom and hubby each held one leg up on the squat bar. We tried several different positions using the squat bar, but in the end I was in the crummy on the back legs up position. It worked better than the others since I couldn't feel anything (and I mean I couldn't feel anything!!).

I pushed and pushed. At some point they brought in a big mirror. I was trying to follow the suggested pushing style from Ina May Gaskin's book. Not pushing for 10 counts like the docs usually say. I didn't want to bust the blood vessels in my face. I didn't want to tear. But then the doc came in after an hour and her first words to me were "Well I think we are going to need a C-section in here." I was immediately pissed and prepared to hate the doctor. I had only been pushing for an hour. You get more than an hour. What the hell was she thinking? I was pissed.

She had me change positions a bit and had a nurse hold my head up in a crunch-like position and told me not to breathe or make a sound as I pushed for the count of 10 three times on each contraction. I was confused because just before the doc came in the nurse, my mom and my hubby had all been telling me that I needed to yell and be loud while I pushed.

I started pushing like the doc said. And we started seeing more of the kiddos head each time. We kept this up for around an hour before the 7pm nurse shift change came around. We (my nurse included) were hoping that I would deliver before shift change. I was a bit worried about getting a new nurse during pushing. They wouldn't know me at all. Luckily for me, the nurse that came on duty was the same one who had checked me into the hospital the day before. She was already familiar with my birth plan and with how my hubby and mom were working to help me. Somewhere in there, the spinal started to wear off. I could feel my right leg and could control it a bit. My left leg didn't come back until around the time he was born.

She jumped right in and got warm compresses and started perineal massage. I asked for both options in my birth plan, but was too far gone to think to ask. She read the plan and jumped right in. As soon as she started the massage, we started seeing so much more of his head with each push.

Around the same time that the new nurse came in, the doc came back. They started getting things ready for delivery. Lots of people started coming in to get stuff ready, but I was so mesmerized by the pushing and watching his head emerge that I can't even begin to guess how many or what their purposes were.

Next thing I knew, the doc was having me push in between contractions. As I pushed, she helped guide the head out. Then all of a sudden with one more push, he was out. His cord was really short so he couldn't be placed on my chest immediately because I wanted them to wait for the cord to stop pulsing. So he hung out on my lower belly for a few minutes. I distinctly remember that right then I was sort of laughing and crying all at once. After a few minutes, hubby cut the cord and Fin was placed on my chest. His eyes were open and he was sort of crying/grunting.

That whole time just after he was born is a total blur. He was wiped off as I snuggled him. Hubby was taking pictures. They delivered the placenta. I bled a lot since I had a long, intense labor. The doc stitched up a tear. I remember that I was getting feeling back and some of this part was less than pleasant, but Its too much of a blur to know exactly what.

Fin & I cuddled for over an hour. Then we tried breastfeeding. This little guy is a pro!! He latched well right away. From the very beginning, everyone has been astonished by how awake he is. He looks around taking in the world a lot, even on day one. He was even then fascinated with light and dark. My mom would hold him and sway so his line of site went from dark to light (passing across the open window) and he would just look happily.

I can't even begin to express the amazingness of seeing him for the first time. I still look at him and momentarily freak out that he is real. We really have a baby!

I'm sure I left things out and I could go on forever, but I'm gonna stop here since this is already insanely long :)

Monday, April 23, 2012

How Has It Been 10 Days??

I am astounded that it has already/only been 10 days. I go back and forth between thinking how can it have only been 10 days and how can it already have been 10 days. It feels like he has been part of our lives forever. But that might be the sleep deprivation talking. 

Fin's 1 week Birthday!

Me, Fin & my Mom (thank god she came out. More on that in the birth story)

Just too cute for words! (I especially love hearing that my nephew who is almost 3 said "Uh oh Mikey!" in a very concerned voice!)

My little monkey cuddling in the quilt made my his great grandma and his Oma. Plus I love the cute pacifier with the giraffe attached. He automatically cuddles it! I planned to avoid the paci for at least a month, but this little man has to be sucking on something so the paci was the only thing that has saved my boobs :)

Well, I'm off to take a nap while the munchkin is sleeping since he only sleeps during the day currently!

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

The New Guy!

Finley William was born on Friday at 7:34pm. He weighs 7lbs 8oz and is 19.5 inches long.

Labor was rough. I will write up the full story in the next few days, but first here are a few pictures!

40 weeks and 1 day! Just admitted.

Fin, our grumpy little man, about three or four minutes old!

Our first family picture!

Little munchkin.

Daddy & Fin

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Dear Fin

Well little man, you will be here any day now. Your official due date is tomorrow. I am picking up your Oma (German for Grandma) from the airport shuttle at 11am. You are free to show up any time after that although the weather is doing crazy things so if this storm brings you today, that's okay too.

I can't believe that you are really going to be here. You still feel like a dream. We have wanted you for so long. I can't wait to see your beautiful face. And see what color your hair is. I'm hoping for blond since both your daddy & I had blond hair when we were babies (although I was pretty much bald at birth). The ultrasounds show that you already have a good bit of hair so hurry on out so I can see it!

I keep imagining your adorable cheeks and lips. I can't wait to see your cute lips. You have been making super cute faces in your ultrasound. I bet you will have lips like your daddy. Most women would be jealous of the great color of his lips, like the best lipstick ever.

Well now I'm going to go for a long walk to try to help bring you out to this side quicker.
Love Momma

Monday, April 9, 2012

I Think We are as Ready as We Can Be

And thank goodness since he is due in 3 days!!! I just finished with my last (as of now, but who knows what I may come up with later) prep in his room and our room to get ready for him. Below are pics of all of our baby ready stuff.

Munchkin's room.

Munchkin's closet with most of his newborn and 0-3 month stuff. Plus a very curious kitty.

Daddy's drawing of me & Fin :) He has a white board in his room so I'm sure he will get lots of funny drawings throughout the years.

The baby side of the room. The other side is the guest bedroom side.

The other bookshelf of baby stuff.

Glider in our room. I love craigslist! $100 and it was brand new in packaging!

Awesome bassinet that a friend is lending to us. So nice to have friends who are willing to share!

Cute elephant humidifier. Don't recommend this brand if you have hard water. Our water is crazy hard and after less than a month its causing problems. And we have cleaned it out and maintained it as recommended, but the calcium build up is CRAZY!! We have had others that worked much better, but they aren't cute little elephants.

Borrowed swing (again, love my awesome friends), birthing ball, breastfeeding pillow & playpen (the gray bundle) all ready to be put to use.

ADORABLE sock monkey hat that my sister-in-law Liz made! I still have to add black button eyes. I can't wait to get a picture of him in it!!

So I think that we have most of what we need. We have a good stock of diapers for the first few weeks. The baby tub and towels are in the bathroom. Cloth diapers are in the laundry. So here we go...

Monday, April 2, 2012

10 Days!!!

Wow, I am due in 10 days. It is hard to believe. I can't believe I made it here.

Some days I am totally ready to be done and totally ready to hold this baby, but today I am sad. Today I keep thinking that in a few days, I will never feel him kick inside me again. As I sit here, laid back against the couch because he is so low that sitting forward is excruciating, I am not ready to be done. Tomorrow that will likely change. Hell tonight when I get up to pee for the 6th time and it takes 45 minutes to get back to sleep it will change. But right now its sad.

I know the minute I see him it will be great and seeing him smile and giggle and wiggle will be so much better. But I'm afraid that I might never get to be pregnant again. I'm afraid that our 4 frosties will not get us a 2nd baby. I have been having dreams about them. Not exactly nightmares, but not good dreams. I'm not sure what spurred the dreams, but it has me worried that our little frostie babies might not get Fin a sibling.

And if they don't, I'm not sure I can face IVF again. The thought of doing IVF with a toddler terrifies me. Our geographic location is part of it. I am 2 hours from my RE. I plan to be a stay at home mom. What am I going to do with Fin on monitoring days? How can I be a good mom when the drugs make me cry all the time? Where will we get the money when we will likely still be paying off our first IVF?

All of these things make me scared that I am in the last few days of my only pregnancy. I know how lucky I am to be here and I think that's why I am so not ready for it to end. People constantly ask me is I'm at the point of being so ready for it to end. When I was working, the answer was yes. Now that I'm done (oh yeah, I officially quit my job!) I'm mostly enjoying it. Some things are hard, but not having to do much makes it doable.

But I can't be pregnant forever and I really wouldn't want to be. But a part of me will always miss the amazing feeling of having this little life inside of me.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Not Sure Why...

I'm not sure why I can't seem to blog anymore. Lots of things have been happening. TONS of things are going through my head. I just can't seem to put it all together. But I want to. I want to be able to look back here and remember how this time felt. So I'm gonna force myself to write a full post here and see if that will kick start something. So here goes!

Tomorrow I will be 37 weeks. Next week will be my last week working, although when I go to the doc today, I may try to get them to write up something so that this week can be my last. Working hurts! Sitting for too long hurts cause my chair isn't the most comfy thing. Standing for more than 5 or so minutes gives me Braxton Hicks. The worst thing is that when we are fairly busy, I have to get up and down a LOT! Run back and forth to one of the 4 printers that we use to print different types of documents. So in helping one customer, I might have to get up and down 4 times. It doesn't feel good.

Last week the munchkin started to drop. Since then I can breathe again, but he is back on my sciatic nerve. And walking feels odd and somewhat painful. Lots of pressure down below.

One of the things that I have been spending most of my time on lately is avidly reading all of the books on childbirth. I'm making a list for hubby of all the pain relieving techniques so he can help me remember and suggest things at helpful times. I'm really hoping to make it through without any meds. To go along with this, I am taking childbirth classes from a private group that employs doulas and midwives. Its a great organization and the classes have been amazingly helpful (especially for hubby who was floored when she acted out what a contraction on hands and knees might look like).

Well thats all for now. I'm hoping to start a post today on some of the things I'm struggling with. We shall see how it goes. I have to leave in 1.5 hours for both of my weekly appointments so it may not happen til tomorrow :)

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Sweet Relief

First off, we are NOT moving!!! Hubby was offered the job in Texas, but the pay was about the same as the pay he gets here, but the insurance cost would have been lots more (over $800 per month for all three of us!?!?!). Plus our current house payment is super cheap since we bought a forclosure so that would be higher there too. Bo basically no dice.

I'm a little sad not to be moving closer to family, but I'm very relieved not to be moving. On that note, we finally put the crib together!!

           34 weeks 2 day & a Crib!!                                   Hubby after his hard work!

It is so nice to be able to start working on his room. Now I just need the time and energy. We are taking Childbirth Prep classes right now so last night we had to drive an hour to the hospital for our tour. It was far more eventful than it normally would be since there was a Code Red (aka fire) in one corner of the hospital. It was all handled quickly, but it made the group of 10 very pregnant ladies quite nervous! Then today we drive down again for our first actual class.

Our town is small and the hospital isn't the best so most people drive down to Santa Fe where there is a much larger hospital. The drive is annoying, but the doctors are much better. Plus my town is so small I know all the family drama of the only OB so its hard to feel confident in her medical skills when I have watched her family crash and burn. I know that this shouldn't matter, but I can't help it.

So we are spending lots of time in the car. It makes for very long days. Today we have class from 6:30 to 8:30 so we will not get home until around 9:30 at the earliest. I'm usually in bed by 9:30. Then on Wednesday morning I get to drive back for a doctors appointment. I'm getting tired of the car (even though it is my awesome new-to-us Kia Soul).

But even though all this driving is annoying, its a relief to have the classes set. Last week they thought they wouldn't be able to run the full class because only 2 couples had signed up and 3 is their minimum to run a class. So I was freaking out. They wanted to do 3 classes instead of 5 and they wouldn't start until March 20th. Thats a bit too close to my due date for comfort (especially since this weekend I was 1 Braxton Hicks contraction away from having to call my doctor). So as much as I might complain, I am really very glad to be hauling my butt to Santa Fe several times each week.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012


In two days, I will be at 34 weeks. That means 6 weeks to go. I'm not sure how to wrap my brain around that. I never thought I would make it here. It is so strange as I sit here with Fin kicking away, how normal that has become to me. But in no more than 7.5 weeks (I'm not okay with going beyond 41 weeks), he won't be kicking away in me, he will be cuddling in my arms. It still doesn't feel real.

Even though our house is full of baby stuff. Even though we now routinely hit the baby section in all the stores we shop at to look for sales. Even with all of this, it still doesn't feel real.

I think a big part of the unreal feeling is that lots of things are still uncertain. We still might move. We still might stay. We have no clue. We are waiting to hear from the company in Texas that hubby interviewed with. At this point if they make a good offer (meeting our salary requirement), we will take it. Until last night, we weren't sure that we would go, even if the offer was good. But my poor hubby is frustrated. The option of starting a company here is still our first choice, but the money men said they would have an answer two weeks ago today. And we are still waiting. So we aren't optimistic. Its still possible, but getting less likely everyday.

I feel like I can't grasp the reality of the baby when I can't picture where I will be when the baby comes. It seems unreal that I have a just in case OB and pediatrician chosen in TX. The realtor that hubby talked to gave us some doctor suggestions and even gave us his wife's phone number since she could better recommend OBs. It is all just so unreal.

And thats why I feel overwhelmed. I know it could be lots worse. I know he could be here already and in the NICU. I know that hubby could have no job offers. I know all of these things, but I also know that it could be better. It was supposed to be better. Hubby was supposed to get converted to a staff member in November. Then our money issues would be gone. Then there would be no question about whether I was going to be able to stay home or not.

And with that, I will quit whining. Hope things are going well in all of your worlds today!!

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Happy Thoughts for my Nephew

I want to take a minute to ask everyone to say a pray (or meditate or do whatever it is that you do) for my nephew. He will be having some pretty major surgery in two weeks. He is only 6, but has had fairly severe neck pain all of his life. To hopefully alleviate the pain, they will be removing a small part of his skull (in the back just under where it curves down) and shaving the edge of his T1 vertebrae. This will hopefully solve the problem for life. So please ask for surgeons with steady hands and nurses who will make him feel as good as possible under the circumstances.

I had surgery when I was 12 and I still remember the nurse who took me back to surgery. She was there when I went to sleep and she was right there when I woke up. If I walked into that docs office, I could still pick her out. She was so sweet to me. I really hope he has someone like that. He is at a children's hospital so I would hope that all the nurses are that awesome to the kids.

His older sister is going to come stay with us. I am so glad that we are close enough (opposite sides of the same state) that we can help them out. His dad is in the Air Force and they live in southern New Mexico. Because the population of New Mexico is so small, anytime you have major medical issues that require a specialist, you get sent to Albuquerque. Since we are less than 2 hours from Albuquerque, we can go pick up my niece and still be close enough to go visit him once he is out of the ICU. I'm very glad I have been hoarding my vacation and sick time!

Okay, now back to your regularly scheduled programing and thanks in advance for all the happy thoughts!

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Catching Up on Belly Pics

28 Weeks (and a bit scary. I should have done some make up that day)

30 Weeks 2 Days

32 Weeks 3 Days (I gotta get hubby to do full profile instead of 3/4 angle. I'm bigger than this pic makes me look.)

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Thank Goodness for Weekends!!!

Wow, pregnancy is catching up with me all of a sudden! This week kicked my butt. I work at a bank. I'm a teller and account service rep. In other words, I open/close accounts, deal with IRAs, do deposits & withdrawals. All the basics of the people at the counter and the desks. We are a small branch so we all do everything. Its not very  strenuous. I have a chair to sit in as much as I want. The hardest part is that I have to get up and down a lot. I have to run to the printer for nearly every customer. Some days that's once or twice an hour, some days that's every couple of minutes.

The sciatic nerve pain makes getting up hard. Once I move around its not bad, but if I stay on my feet for long then it starts hurting again. Plus my feet swell. I have serious cankles after working all day.

I'm not sure why this is so hard. I feel like I should be able to handle this easily, but by the time that I got home last night, I was wrecked. My back hurt. My feet were killing me. My belly felt like it weighed a ton. I couldn't get comfy on the couch. A hot shower didn't even help. Luckily sleeping for 11 hours did. Well 11 hours minus 5 bathroom trips.

Now I'm couching it. And I plan to couch it most of the weekend. Next week should be a bit easier since we have a holiday on Monday and I have a doc appointment on Friday so I will only work half the day. But hubby will be in TX Wednesday & Thursday so that will make it harder. I will have to walk and feel the animals. Not the hardest thing in the world, I will also have to cook dinner and such when I get off work. Hubby has me very spoiled!! He is great!

Well now I'll quit complaining and go watch some TV.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Huge, Gigantic, Enormous Sigh of Relief!

Hubby got a job!!!

Its not the most ideal situation, but it is a job here at the same lab that he is currently at. He is still going to go to his interview in Texas and we still might end up moving there, but if nothing else pans out, HE HAS A JOB!

The best part about this is that it will start as soon as his only post doc is up (on Saturday, talk about cutting it close!) so there will be NO lapse in pay or in insurance coverage!

There are a few reasons that this isn't totally ideal. First off, we expected him to be making more money at this point so that I could stay home with Fin. He will be making the same amount that he has been making for the past two years. With some adjustments to our spending habits, we can make it work for me to stay home. It really just means that I have to cook almost all of our meals and we need to take better advantage of our Sam's membership. It would be a snap if it wasn't for the $475 per month to pay off our IVF loan and our nearly $700 per month in combined student loans. But we will make it work. If we have to, we can deffer student loans for a year while I stay home with the munchkin. I would rather have those to pay for longer than give up my only chance to spend so much time with him.

The other reasons are not as much of a big deal. Mainly if he swithces to this area, he would likely need to stay in this area because this job would take advantage of his clearance (aka top secret-ish clearance). If he applied for other jobs in other areas, he wouldn't be able to explain what he had been doing before. It makes job interviews hard.

But those things aside, hubby has a job! I am just so happy to know that no matter what, we won't have to sell our house and live with (mooch off) family members.

Oh yeah, I'm now 32 weeks!!! Holy cow! Its starting to get super real!

Saturday, February 11, 2012

9 Weeks to go!?!?!?!?!

I am simply amazed that we have made it to this point! We are down to single digits on our weeks left! Last night I looke at hubby and said "Only 9 more weeks! That's CRAZY!!" His response was perfect. He said "It's not crazy, it's AWESOME!" We are both still in shock that we have made it to this point. I still look down at my belly and it takes a minute to realize that I'm really 8 months pregnant! Only 2 months to go! My due date is in 2 months and 3 days! The due date my doc is going by is in 2 months and 5 days (but since he is measuring 3 or 4 days ahead each ultrasound, I'm going with the 4-12 date).

I can remember being in school when we had 9 week semesters. They felt so long. But now 9 weeks seems like no time at all. Especially when you take into consideration what is going to happen during that time.

Hubby is going to interview with a company in Texas. It is quite likely that he will get an offer from them. His current boss is trying to get him another post doc here at the lab he is currently at. And yesterday, he had a meeting with a possible group who might fund the company that they want to start. So he may have three job offers coming in, but he still might not have any. This waiting is killing me!! I want to decorate Fin's room. I want to take the crib out of its box.

But at least for the moment, I feel fairly confident that at least one of the three options will work out. In reality, I am fine with any of the three options. Texas would be within 3.5 hours of all of my family (and most of hubby's). Either a post doc or the company here would be great since we already have a group of friends here and we wouldn't have to move with a newborn or with me 9 months pregnant.

So thats it for now. Todays task is to finish up the little home improvement projects that we have been putting off. All the piddly stuff like finishing the baseboards and painting the trim around the attic door. Fun, fun, fun.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Maternity Pictures!!

I almost forgot that while I was in Texas, I had a maternity photo shoot! Some great friends from high school went together and booked me a shoot with another friend from high school who has her own photography studio. It was lots of fun and really relaxed since we all knew each other very well. I was even in girl scouts with the photographer!

If you are in or near the San Antonio area, be sure to check out Lindley Photography! Mychal did a great job and I can't wait to see the rest of the pics!

Baby Shower # 3

Our families are awesome! I hope to be able to post some pics from Showers #1 & 2, but I don't have any pics yet. I'm waiting for 35mm film to be developed! Yep my family is still using non-digital cameras :)

Shower #3 was thrown by hubby's mom & two sisters. Unfortunately his one sister Liz was unable to come to the shower since she lives in a different state. Liz came up with the theme: Sock Monkeys! Then his mom Lisa and other sis Laura did an awesome job!

The sign says "Finley William." It will soon hang in his room! 

Laura did such an awesome job making this diaper cake! It was so cute!

Look at these AMAZING sock monkey cake pops!!! And they were super tasty too!

Sock monkey cupcakes too!

Giant sock monkey!


My 2.5 year old nephew Ian decided that I wasn't opening the gifts early enough so he figured that he would take care of it for me! He opened every gift before we caught him! It was too funny to be upset about. Luckily I was looking the other way and Laura was able to get everything back where it belonged before I saw this.

One of the game we played required us to draw a baby on a plate that we were holding on top of our heads! Renee & I are both trained art teachers with lots of practice doing Blind Contour drawings (drawing something without looking at the paper and your pencil). It was kind of unfair to everyone else cause we rocked it :)

Everyone's plate babies!

It was a GREAT day! Everyone was so sweet and they gave us awesome stuff for Fin. I was so excited to get to see lots of my college friends. Lisa, Laura & Liz were so great to throw such a fun shower for me!

Baby's Room...So Far

I have had a couple of requests to post the pics of the baby's room so far. I will warn you that at this point it doesn't look like a "Nursery or Baby's Room." Right now it looks like a crazy storage area. It is better than it was yesterday (I spent the afternoon cleaning and organizing). So here goes...

Before organization:
This pic is of the room as you walk in. Below the pillow and other assorted baby stuff is a queen size bed. Hubby & I built the bookshelves, but we still need to finish them. The front edges need to be covered with molding or something similar.

The left hand wall. The window is on the right and the closet is on the left. Most of this stuff is either for the baby or to go in the attic.

You can just make out the corner of the bed.

After organization:
Semi-organized closet. Newborn sized and 0-3 are all hanging. I still have TONS more to hang, but I need more hangers. The hanging bin has hats, bibs, socks, shoes, pacifiers & swaddling blankets. The stuff at the top and on the bottom is our junk that will hopefully find a new home soon, I just need to organize our room first.

Everything that belongs in the attic is now there. The plastic drawer thingy is filled with all the baby clothes. One bin for each size: 0-3, 3-6, 6-9 & 9-12. Our changing table is on the left with the changing pad on top. The cover in in the washer as we speak. On top of that is the My.Breast.Friend Pillow that a friend gave me. The stroller box is empty, but we are keeping it just in case we end up not liking our car seat. The crib is in the brown box on the right. That is where it will be set up if we stay. the car seat is in its box in front of that. We are still too chicken to pull it out and mess with it :)

Toys are all in the basket on the end table. Diapers are on the bookshelf. I plan to get rid of lots of the stuff on the shelves, but I ran out of energy.

Now you can actually tell that there is a bed in the room! It still has the stroller (right), play pen (middle) and snap-n-go stroller (left) plus some baby jungle gyms. We got the full stroller and the snap-n-go cause the snap-n-go was only 8 bucks on craigslist!

Well that's it so far. None of the fun stuff yet. Hopefully in the next 3 weeks we will find out if we are going to stay here or be moving to parts unknown. Hubby's bosses are trying really hard to get him another post doc. Its not the ideal solution that we were hoping for, but in this economy, we will take whatever option that we can get. If we tweek our finances a bit, we should be able to make due on hubby's salary and I can stay home with the munchkin. So please keep your fingers crossed that hubby's post doc will be approved!!!

Tuesday, January 31, 2012



I am so angry I can't see straight! Above is the link to an article about how Newt Gingrich has decided that he should be the moral compass for a woman's uterus!

Aside from how laughable it is for him to discuss the immorality of ANYTHING, it infuriates me that a politician would think that he (or she) could dictate how I procreate!

Argh! I want to continue ranting, but there are no words.

Monday, January 30, 2012

Wow, Its Been a While!

I didn't plan to disappear for that long. I spent the last 10 days in Texas for my baby showers. I started a post about that before I left, but I got so caught up with getting things ready for me to be gone at work, that I forgot to finish it!

So to catch up I'm going to do a bullet post and tonight or tomorrow night I will try to put up some pics of my shower (stinking crummy work computer won't let me put up pics!).

  • I had 3 showers in Texas. 2 in San Antonio (dads side and moms side) and one in Fort Worth. I'll try to put up some pics soon.
  • We only need a few more things and I think we will be pretty set for this kid! Now if only we knew where we would be living when he is born!
  • As of today I am 29 weeks 4 days or 29 weeks 2 days as the docs insist.
  • My newest and worst symptom so far is sciatic nerve pain. I think some of it comes from the position of my workstation at work. My pulled ligament probably isn't helping either. If you aren't familiar with sciatic nerve pain, it is a sharp shooting type pain that can go from your lower back and butt down your leg. I'm finding it increasingly hard to drive longer distances (which is great since my OB is 45 minutes away). I need to shift positions a lot and the foot on the pedals doesn't allow that.
  • This boy is STRONG! In the past week his kicks have gotten so much stronger. I'm fairly certain that they are kicks most of the time, but I'll know for sure tomorrow when I have another ultrasound.
  • Lots of family was able to feel the munchkin move. He really started kicking in Fort Worth so more of hubbys family got to feel that my family.
I'm sure I'm forgetting a ton of stuff that has happened in the last couple of weeks, but mostly I have been hobbling with the sciatic pain and trying to lay with my feet up so not much happens.

Hope all is well in your various worlds. Now I'm off to catch up on your blogs. I didn't have a reliable internet connection for most of my trip so I have nearly 100 blogs to read!!!

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Third Trimester

I'm officially in the third trimester. Well my OBs would say it isn't til Saturday, but whatever. I know what day he started cooking and he consistently measures a couple of days ahead so I'm calling it today :)

To celebrate I took the day off. Well not really. I had my OB appointment this morning and after eating lunch, I got super nauseous. I think it has to do with the fact that my nose often bleeds during the night and last night I ended up sleeping half on my back (preggo pillow tucked under one side). So it bled, but it all went into my stomach. I know totally disgusting. But I felt sort of gross all morning, but just figured once I ate lunch I would be fine. Food seems to have magical pregnancy healing powers. If I feel crappy, all I need to do to feel better is eat. Most of the times.

But not today. I ate and my stomach cramped up and I quickly lost my lunch. So instead of going to work I spend the afternoon on the couch, snoozing and watching netflix. I haven't had much to eat aside from tortillas (plain) and water, but I'm feeling better now. I'm going to try some pasta and a few veggie for dinner. We shall see how that goes. And I'm adding more pillows so if my nose bleeds tonight it won't mess up my tummy. I would rather mess up my pillow than my tummy.

So yay third trimester! But I hope today wasn't a sign of what is in store.

In other news, my OB appointment went great. I talked to the doc about all of the things that I want to put in a birth plan. Most of the stuff is standard at her practice. There is no nursery so all babies room in. Baring complications babies always go immediately to mom's belly where the nurse does vitals and such. Its fine to have both hubby & my mom there. She explained the reasonings behind pitocin for placenta delivery and I'm okay with that as long as I get to cuddle with Fin. There were several other things that I was glad to learn, but I can't remember them at the moment. Basically, my birth plan won't be needed for much which is nice. I think the only thing that I may have to fight is supplemental feedings. Lots of babies have jaundice here at this elevation (not sure what the connection is) and they tend to push supplemental feedings. I want to try to avoid that as much as possible. Otherwise all is well.

I do a two hour gestational diabetes test next week one day. I'm not worried though. My blood sugars have been rocking.

Thats all for now...

Monday, January 9, 2012

I Have Hit That Point

Anyone who has a kiddo knows the point. The point in pregnancy where everything starts to get progressively harder.

A few examples:
  • It took a good bit of finagling to get my socks on today. I warned hubby that he would likely be taking over that task in the near future :) I think the main reason that it was harder today was because I WAY over did it yesterday and it now hurts to move my legs, but I can see how it is just going to keep getting worse.
  • I now rarely get off the couch without an "omph."
  • I walk up the stairs like a duck. My feet are spread wider and I kind of lean forward. I told hubby if he laughs at me, I will kick his butt (except that I'm not confident that I could lift my leg up that high).
  • Organizing the baby's room yesterday required 4 or 5 breaks and a night with my feet up and I still feel like I was hit by a truck. But the baby's room is in great shape!
  • I think I may be starting to waddle. My stride feels different, but I don't have access to a long enough mirror to know for sure :)
  • I have to run pee every 45 minutes or so. Which means that I have roughly 2050 more trips to the bathroom before he is born. That is quite depressing since that only includes the aware hours. I didn't factor in the 4 trips per night!
  • I now have to wear the support belt all the time. I can feel the strain if I don't. I sometimes take it off if I'm just on the couch, but otherwise it is my constant companion.
  • It is getting harder and harder to get up and down from my chair at work. I have one of those slightly taller desk chairs to sit at the teller line. I am trying to combine all I can into each trip up or down.
  • Based on our ultrasound last week (and on the new high up kicks), Fin is head down. His head was sitting squarely on my cervix. I thought I felt him do a big flip last week and I must have been right. He had been feet down. With his head pushing down, I'm getting lots of pressure on my lady parts which seems to be adding to the leg moving pain has helped to increase my bathroom trips.
Well I guess that was more than a few, but I want to try to remember as much as possible. I guess it makes sense. The second trimester was so nice and now the third is starting and it will be less fun except that each day gets me closer to my little man!

Thursday, January 5, 2012

How Can I Nearly be in the 3rd Trimester!

Holy cow! I only have 100 days to go! Today I am 26 weeks so according to about 50% of the internet, I will start the 3rt trimester in a week. Its so strange. The first trimester felt so long. The second seems to have flown by!

On that note, here are a few pics.

26 Weeks
Awesome aquarium volcano bubble (cool red LED light makes it look AWESOME!)

Hubby assembling our new stroller!

Hubby "changing" the kitty on our new playpen changing station. Amazingly he didn't bleed after this :)

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Super Exciting & Overwhelming

Our house is filling up with baby stuff!!!

So far we have a crib (thanks hubby's mom!), a play pen (thanks dad!), a swing (borrowed from a friend). a play gym (super cheap at the thrift store) and TONS of clothes. I know that what we have is no where near what we will need, but still, it feels like a lot!

I think we have all we will need for 0-3 months (a big bin stuffed full) and are close on 3-6 (a big bin almost full). I'm planning to hit a few consignment sales in the next couple of months to stock up on bigger sizes.

All of this is BEFORE any of my baby showers. I was originally thinking I would only have one shower with a part of hubbys family, but apparently I am having 5 baby showers! I don't even feel like I know enough people for that! Each shower will be fairly small, but I think that will be awesome. If I had one big shower, I wouldn't be able to spend much time with everyone. This way I can acutally talk to everyone who comes instead of just having time to eat cake and open gifts. Plus this way I won't be overwhelmed at any of the showers.

This many different showers also helps with the geographic issues of living in a different state from my family. I'm having two showers in San Antonio (one for dad's side and one for mom's, I'll write a full post on that drama one day) and one in the Dallas area (hubby's family & college friends) and two in New Mexico (one a friend is throwing and one at work, none of the details on these two are set yet).  That should have our munchkin decked out very well!

I'm headed to Texas for over a week in just over two weeks. I can't believe that I have made it to the point of having baby showers!!!

I am so thankful for our family and friends being so generous to us! Having to worry about buying everything for the little man, on top of all of the job and living arrangement worries would be too much. I am so relieved to know that he will have everything that he needs and more.

Monday, January 2, 2012

The Best & Worst Year Yet, but 2012 May Take That Title Too

I think 2011 was the best and worst year ever. I got pregnant after two years of trying and many more years of worrying before we started officially trying (I was diagnosed with PCOS at 17 so that's 10 years of knowing what I was in store for before we started trying).

But before I got pregnant, we went through several rounds of frustrating treatments (frustrating in that they did nothing other than make me a crazy hormonal mess). Both hubby & I had our minds blown when they jumped us from Letrozole to IVF. Jumped right past injects with IUI. We found out that hubby only had 2% morphology.

Our IVF went great til retrieval then I had crazy insane pain from them having a rough time that lead to OHSS (not severe, but enough to make me miserable). Our car broke down that afternoon on the way home from the RE so instead of heading to bed, I helped my hubby change the water pump in our Jeep after taking a very long, very bumpy ride in a tow truck. We got home about 12 hours after the docs let us leave. That may be the most miserable day of my life, well maybe second to the day of my deviated septum repair.

The day of transfer, we headed to the RE expecting to hear that we had lots of great blasts since we had 13 eggs that fertilized. When we arrived, we were told that only 2 had made it to blast stage and even those were not the best quality.

But somehow we got pregnant. Somehow we made it to today which has me sitting here on the couch, six months pregnant feeling my little boy kicking away in my belly. I keep telling myself that I made it through all of that so I can make it through this. But now, I am worried not just for myself. Now I have the baby to think about. I didn't realize how much more stressful that would make this job situation.

As we speak, hubby and I are making plans to sell our house and most of our stuff in less than two months if he doesn't have a job by then. Luckily for us, we purchased our house for such a low price that we have a good bit of equity so we should be able to live on it for 6 months at least. We can stay with hubby's grandma if needed. Hubby's grandpa passed away not long ago so she would be happy to have the company. And we can help her with a lot of the things around the house and make things better there for her. Its not the worst thing that could happen by any means, but it does change things a lot!

Our plan was for me to be able to quit my job 3 or 4 weeks before my due date. I know lots of women work right up to the end, but we were hoping to give me a break before the baby comes. But if hubby doesn't have a job, I have to work as long as possible to keep the insurance going. So we would probably list our house in Feb but with the stipulation that it won't really sell til after the baby comes. Then we would move 7 hours away to his grandma's with a newborn. I am so scared that this is what is going to happen. And I have no clue what we would do when my 12 weeks of FMLA time runs out. With PCOS I am uninsurable by private insurance, but we should at least be able to get some coverage for the baby.

I feel so bad for my hubby. He isn't sleeping well. He is so stressed and I can tell the even though he doesn't say it, he feels like he is failing us. It breaks my heart. He keeps telling me that no matter what happen, he promises that this isn't forever. That things will get better. I have no doubt that that is true. I know we will make it through this, but man is it hard. I look around the house and know that we may only be here for a few more months. We may only have all of our stuff for a few more months. I really don't know how to make this better. I really wish this whole recession thing would end so he could get a flipping job!

Okay, now my rant or bawlfest (yep, I'm trying to keep the bawling quiet cause hubby went to bed early in hopes of getting a good night of sleep) is over. If you know me in real life, please don't make too big of a deal of this. We are just trying to roll with the punches and do what we need to do. For now, I am just looking forward to my baby showers knowing that no matter what, our baby will have everything he needs. And most importantly, if you know hubby, don't let him know how much I'm stressing. He of course knows, but it just seems to stress him more if he really sees it.