Overwhelmed

In two days, I will be at 34 weeks. That means 6 weeks to go. I'm not sure how to wrap my brain around that. I never thought I would make it here. It is so strange as I sit here with Fin kicking away, how normal that has become to me. But in no more than 7.5 weeks (I'm not okay with going beyond 41 weeks), he won't be kicking away in me, he will be cuddling in my arms. It still doesn't feel real.

Even though our house is full of baby stuff. Even though we now routinely hit the baby section in all the stores we shop at to look for sales. Even with all of this, it still doesn't feel real.

I think a big part of the unreal feeling is that lots of things are still uncertain. We still might move. We still might stay. We have no clue. We are waiting to hear from the company in Texas that hubby interviewed with. At this point if they make a good offer (meeting our salary requirement), we will take it. Until last night, we weren't sure that we would go, even if the offer was good. But my poor hubby is frustrated. The option of starting a company here is still our first choice, but the money men said they would have an answer two weeks ago today. And we are still waiting. So we aren't optimistic. Its still possible, but getting less likely everyday.

I feel like I can't grasp the reality of the baby when I can't picture where I will be when the baby comes. It seems unreal that I have a just in case OB and pediatrician chosen in TX. The realtor that hubby talked to gave us some doctor suggestions and even gave us his wife's phone number since she could better recommend OBs. It is all just so unreal.

And thats why I feel overwhelmed. I know it could be lots worse. I know he could be here already and in the NICU. I know that hubby could have no job offers. I know all of these things, but I also know that it could be better. It was supposed to be better. Hubby was supposed to get converted to a staff member in November. Then our money issues would be gone. Then there would be no question about whether I was going to be able to stay home or not.

And with that, I will quit whining. Hope things are going well in all of your worlds today!!