A Strange New World

I guess I'll start with the typical. I totally understand if any of you ladies want to ignore my posts or unfollow me. I will admit that I have done it, too. So don't worry about hurting my feelings. Do what you need to do to make it through. I'm still reading all of your blogs, just not commenting much. I feel like a comment from me might hurt more than help. So just know that no matter what, I'm rooting for all of you and sending happy thoughts your way each day. I'm going to try to not become one of those annoying pregnant ladies who just complains about my symptoms. But we write what we know. And currently I know that the bathroom tile is very cold when I'm hugging the toilet.

So now on to my rambling thoughts for the day...

I feel like I am in limbo. I'm not pregnant enough to go looking at baby stuff. I'm still terrified that something will go wrong at any moment (and I'm betting that's not going away anytime soon). Its too early to talk about names or plan a nursery.

But at the same time, I am pregnant, so I don't need to schedule my next cycle. I'm not sure how to be anymore. I'm so used to scheduling my life around RE appointments. What do I do now?

I have read very similar posts on many newly pregnant women's blogs. I always thought how strange it was. Once your pregnant everything is great. You should be happy 24/7. And there is some of that. Underneath it all, no matter what, I am ecstatic. Happy doesn't even cover it. But then I tell myself, don't get attached. That will make it harder if something goes wrong. But who am I kidding. I'm attached. We have already started talking to the baby.

I would give so much to be one of the blissfully ignorant fertiles out there, who pee on a stick and immediately go out shopping for baby clothes. Wouldn't that be awesome?

I did admit to the hubby that I have a couple of baby things hidden around. Things that were just too cute to pass up. Things that I told myself were for someone else and then conveniently forgot about when it was time to give them a gift. Hubby now calls me a little squirrel since I have hidden treats around the house.

It just feels so strange. We have worked toward something for 21 months (really longer cause it took me years to convince hubby that he was ready). And now we are here and I'm not sure what to do. Its an odd feeling.