Only 9 days til we find out if I'm carrying a boy or a girl. For most of the pregnancy I thought it was a boy, but the other day I had one of those freaky pregnancy dreams that made me wonder. If I'm honest with myself, I'm hoping for a girl. Don't get me wrong, healthy baby is the only thing I'm really asking for, but come on. When I think about a baby shower, I picture cute little dresses and bows. Hubby thinks its a boy. Most of the others around us are thinking girl.
I was confident until that dream. Now I have no clue. I know its 50/50, but its such a big deal. I am so impressed by the people who wait til birth. No way could I do that! If I could have found out the day of transfer, I would have! I can't wait to start planning stuff. The baby's room will be mostly the same either way with just some variations of color, but I feel like I can't start anything til I know.
Not that much will happen for a month or so after we find out. We are going on a trip in November to visit some friends and see my cousin's first baby. Then we will likely have hubby's grandpa's memorial sometime in November as well. Then Thanksgiving. So who knows? I may find out and buy one outfit then do nothing else til after Christmas, but at least I'll know!
Monday, October 31, 2011
Sunday, October 30, 2011
First Belly Pics
I Totally can't find the magenta shirt anymore, but I like this one better anyway. So that's the tummy now. Not too much change, but it feels totally different and is getting ready to overtake my chest. At the rate its going it will do that any day. It makes me smile! Hubby freaked when I woke up yesterday and my belly was noticeably bigger than the day before.
Now I'm off to work on my Halloween costume and decorations. I'll try to post pics, but since I work in a bank, not sure if I can.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Sad Day in Our World
Yesterday my hubby's grandpa passed away. I mentioned in a previous post that he was not doing well. Since then, he was in the hospital and then in a rehab facility. He seemed to be improving and it even seemed likely that he could one day come home again. But sadly that was not the way of things. He went peacefully, just sort of drifted away.
I also previously mentioned that he was a scientist. He developed the nutrient medium that embryos grew in for the early IVFs. As I sit here, pregnant with our baby through IVF, I can't help but think of the saying "When one door closes, somewhere a window opens." His grandpa couldn't have known that one day, his work would help his grandson have a baby, but I know that its helping hubby to know that we have this little one coming that his grandpa helped create.
Hubby's grandma seems to be taking all of this amazingly well. We have all known that it is coming in the not too distant future, but it always still a shock. I know that the moment we lost my grandma was still intensely painful and startling, even though I had sat by her side for nearly 24 hours. Even if you try to prepare yourself, its really not possible. They were married for 58 years. How can you face a life without your partner of 58 years. She is a very strong woman.
So to any of you who pray or meditate or practice any other spiritual time, please think of hubby's grandma and of hubby and family. And maybe throw in our little one. I am even more scared now of what it would be like if we lost it.
I also previously mentioned that he was a scientist. He developed the nutrient medium that embryos grew in for the early IVFs. As I sit here, pregnant with our baby through IVF, I can't help but think of the saying "When one door closes, somewhere a window opens." His grandpa couldn't have known that one day, his work would help his grandson have a baby, but I know that its helping hubby to know that we have this little one coming that his grandpa helped create.
Hubby's grandma seems to be taking all of this amazingly well. We have all known that it is coming in the not too distant future, but it always still a shock. I know that the moment we lost my grandma was still intensely painful and startling, even though I had sat by her side for nearly 24 hours. Even if you try to prepare yourself, its really not possible. They were married for 58 years. How can you face a life without your partner of 58 years. She is a very strong woman.
So to any of you who pray or meditate or practice any other spiritual time, please think of hubby's grandma and of hubby and family. And maybe throw in our little one. I am even more scared now of what it would be like if we lost it.
Friday, October 28, 2011
16 Weeks (yesterday)! and random updates
Why is it that some weeks seem like a bigger deal than others? Each week has been a celebration including a high five in the morning and a huge hug when we get home. But some seem like a bigger deal. 16 feels bigger. 12 was bigger. Now I am looking forward to 20 (which will be Thanksgiving day).
I feel like now if I tell someone that I'm pregnant and they ask how far along, saying 16 weeks is real. I felt silly saying 12 weeks or 14 weeks. For some reason 16 feels real. I'm sure I'm totally nuts, but hey, I am seriously enjoying this!
In other news, I finally got my work chair fixed. I've been at work for an hour and my back doesn't hurt yet. Maybe this will work! The lady who came also plans to get me a foot rest and get the okay to make a few changes to my station. She is worried that my chair may be hard to use as I get bigger so she is going to recommend that they come back and check in 6 weeks or so once I'm starting to get bigger. This whole chair thing should not have been a big deal, but for the past few days I have had a hard time walking normally without pain. I tend to shuffle for at least an hour after work until everything stretches out. The heating pad has been a close friend lately. Now that this is better, I'm going to make a massage appointment to try to get my back feeling totally normal again. The funny thing is that all the stuff that made my chair painful is all the stuff I loved about it before getting pregnant. It leaned perilously far back and moved around a lot when you sit. It felt almost like a rocking chair. Apparently that's bad.
Hubby commented on my tummy getting hard yesterday. I hadn't noticed, but he said he could feel the difference when we hugged. So of course I spent the evening poking my belly and what do you know! It is quite a bit more firm.
Aside from lots of food aversions and needing to eat ALL the time, I am having very few symptoms. I periodically feel some cramps in my uterus and some stretching of the ligaments, but not for long and nothing that a walk, or occasionally Tylenol, can't fix.
Most of the food aversions have been smell or texture based, no surprise there. I have always had texture issues with food (don't get me started on oatmeal or tapioca pudding). But recently things that I normally liked are causing problems. Hubby made some chicken noodle soup and I thought I was gonna hurl. French fries are the devil. I'm still having trouble cooking cause raw meats are TERRIBLE! Luckily hubby doesn't mind doing the cutting and starting the meal if I take over once its in the pan.
Well that's all the randomness I've got for today. Now I'm off to work on some Halloween decorations. We are doing a pirate theme at work. I have to go make our lobby look like a ship. That should be easy right?
I feel like now if I tell someone that I'm pregnant and they ask how far along, saying 16 weeks is real. I felt silly saying 12 weeks or 14 weeks. For some reason 16 feels real. I'm sure I'm totally nuts, but hey, I am seriously enjoying this!
In other news, I finally got my work chair fixed. I've been at work for an hour and my back doesn't hurt yet. Maybe this will work! The lady who came also plans to get me a foot rest and get the okay to make a few changes to my station. She is worried that my chair may be hard to use as I get bigger so she is going to recommend that they come back and check in 6 weeks or so once I'm starting to get bigger. This whole chair thing should not have been a big deal, but for the past few days I have had a hard time walking normally without pain. I tend to shuffle for at least an hour after work until everything stretches out. The heating pad has been a close friend lately. Now that this is better, I'm going to make a massage appointment to try to get my back feeling totally normal again. The funny thing is that all the stuff that made my chair painful is all the stuff I loved about it before getting pregnant. It leaned perilously far back and moved around a lot when you sit. It felt almost like a rocking chair. Apparently that's bad.
Hubby commented on my tummy getting hard yesterday. I hadn't noticed, but he said he could feel the difference when we hugged. So of course I spent the evening poking my belly and what do you know! It is quite a bit more firm.
Aside from lots of food aversions and needing to eat ALL the time, I am having very few symptoms. I periodically feel some cramps in my uterus and some stretching of the ligaments, but not for long and nothing that a walk, or occasionally Tylenol, can't fix.
Most of the food aversions have been smell or texture based, no surprise there. I have always had texture issues with food (don't get me started on oatmeal or tapioca pudding). But recently things that I normally liked are causing problems. Hubby made some chicken noodle soup and I thought I was gonna hurl. French fries are the devil. I'm still having trouble cooking cause raw meats are TERRIBLE! Luckily hubby doesn't mind doing the cutting and starting the meal if I take over once its in the pan.
Well that's all the randomness I've got for today. Now I'm off to work on some Halloween decorations. We are doing a pirate theme at work. I have to go make our lobby look like a ship. That should be easy right?
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Requested Pics of my Baby Stuff
So as requested, these are all the onesies that I got for $7. All but the dark blue one that says Daddy's Little Monster. That was our first baby purchase!
These were part of it too, but they got washed in a separate load. All said and done, we got 17 outfits for $7! Plus some kids books and books for the hubby.
Monday, October 24, 2011
So Surreal
Last week I went to visit my family in Texas. It was great to see everyone, but holy cow, traveling is HARD! Before I got there I planned much of my time there. As usual, I only have a few days, but have TONS of people to see. So I definitely overbooked myself. I forgot how quickly I get tired. And how often I need to eat. And how important naps are for days I'm up and moving a lot.
Luckily everyone is so happy and excited for us that it wasn't a big deal to change some plans. I did manage to go out and see my mom's hubby's band the day we landed. Luckily San Antonio recently made it illegal to smoke in bars. I was quite impressed that I stayed up past midnight (especially since it was Central time and we live in Mountain time so it was really 1am!). I did of course sleep til 11am the next day. I also visited my grandma twice (and even dragged my brother along once), went shopping with both my step-sisters, had dinner at my sister's house twice, had lunch and dinner with my dad and spent most of a day shopping with my mom. I packed a lot into 4.5 days!
The strange and surreal part is as I was getting dressed the first full day there, hubby was staring at my tummy. I turned and looked in the mirror. I'm starting to show. Its still that annoying time where I just look fatter instead of pregnant, but still! I know that beneath the pudge is a baby. I can't wait for the next couple of weeks as it starts to turn into a real baby bump.
I knew I would be excited, but I had no clue how much. Everytime I walk by a mirror, I have to turn sideways and look.
I also went shopping and bought some maternity shirts. I was really glad I got to go while I was in Texas. For one, there was a much bigger store than we have. And two, I went with my mom and two step-sisters which is much more fun than going alone!
Its starting to feel real. I'm going between thinking "Whew, we made it though the rough part!" and "Holy cow, if things go badly now I will be devistated!" I know that my chances are good at this point. I know that things look good and there is no reason to think I won't have a perfect baby in April, but its so hard to give up worrying. But I'm trying. I'm thinking about the awesomeness of being pregnant right this second. No matter what, I am pregnant right now.
Luckily everyone is so happy and excited for us that it wasn't a big deal to change some plans. I did manage to go out and see my mom's hubby's band the day we landed. Luckily San Antonio recently made it illegal to smoke in bars. I was quite impressed that I stayed up past midnight (especially since it was Central time and we live in Mountain time so it was really 1am!). I did of course sleep til 11am the next day. I also visited my grandma twice (and even dragged my brother along once), went shopping with both my step-sisters, had dinner at my sister's house twice, had lunch and dinner with my dad and spent most of a day shopping with my mom. I packed a lot into 4.5 days!
The strange and surreal part is as I was getting dressed the first full day there, hubby was staring at my tummy. I turned and looked in the mirror. I'm starting to show. Its still that annoying time where I just look fatter instead of pregnant, but still! I know that beneath the pudge is a baby. I can't wait for the next couple of weeks as it starts to turn into a real baby bump.
I knew I would be excited, but I had no clue how much. Everytime I walk by a mirror, I have to turn sideways and look.
I also went shopping and bought some maternity shirts. I was really glad I got to go while I was in Texas. For one, there was a much bigger store than we have. And two, I went with my mom and two step-sisters which is much more fun than going alone!
Its starting to feel real. I'm going between thinking "Whew, we made it though the rough part!" and "Holy cow, if things go badly now I will be devistated!" I know that my chances are good at this point. I know that things look good and there is no reason to think I won't have a perfect baby in April, but its so hard to give up worrying. But I'm trying. I'm thinking about the awesomeness of being pregnant right this second. No matter what, I am pregnant right now.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Very Sad
Yesteday ADSchill lost her twins at 20 weeks. Go give her some love if you can. I can't imagine what she is going through right now.
This is the onefrustrating part about this lovely bloggy world. I wish it wasn't all so anonymous so I could go and do something for her. Not that anything I could do would really help, but well, I don't know what else to say.
This is the onefrustrating part about this lovely bloggy world. I wish it wasn't all so anonymous so I could go and do something for her. Not that anything I could do would really help, but well, I don't know what else to say.
The Many Way an Infertile's Pregnancy is Different
I have been thinking a lot lately about the many ways that my pregnancy will be different than it would have been had I gotten pregnant quickly without all of this struggle. I thought I would start a list and probably add to it later on in future posts. So here we go:
- I feel like there is less of an "unreal" feeling. This baby has been so wanted that as soon as I got that pink line, it was real. If I knew if it was a boy or girl, we would have a name and already be using it.
- My hubby is actually ready and excited. I was worried that he would never be actually happy about it. It took years for me to get him to agree that we were ready to try. When it finally happened, he looked at me with the hugest grin on his face. I think he was more excited than I was at first. He is already talking to the baby. I didn't expect that.
- I am so overwhelmingly aware of all the things that can go wrong. I think that lots of fertiles live in blissful ignorance unless they have a loss. But us infertiles have researched and studied and worried. We know what can go wrong. And we know how easy it is to end up on the wrong side of the odds.
- All of the annoyances seem to bug me less. Granted, when I feel crappy, I complain to the hubby (but that is mainly so he will rub my back). But in reality, after I mentally whine I start to celebrate. Feeling crappy means things are happening. Since I can't feel the baby yet, I need the crappy feelings to assure me that its still in there doing its thing.
- In some ways I prepared for pregnancy earlier and in some ways later. Because of the IVF, I had to start wearing maternity pants almost immediately. That was terrifying. What if I lost the kiddo? Then I would have these pants sitting here mocking me. So I went and bought stretchy skirts. Not specifically maternity, but totally usable for most of the pregnancy.
- I ended up telling lots of people about the baby earlier than most non-IFers would. I know that is probably not typical for many IFers, but I was very open about the IVF so lots of people asked. In the end I felt that if I told them about the IVF I could tell them about a loss. So most of the people around me knew about the pregnancy as early a 7 weeks.
- Today I am 14 weeks and I am very scared of buying anything. After the first trimester, lots of non-IFers start shopping. I have one bag of stuff that I bought and even that scares me (I couldn't resist thought. There was a bag sale at my local thrift store so I got a bag full of adorable onesies for $7). Currently the bag is hidden away in the closet of what will be the baby's room. I keep thinking that once I feel it move, I will be ready, but who knows.
Friday, October 7, 2011
NT Scan including some Pics
All went wll yesterday at our NT Scan. Hubby and I decided that we didn't want all the bloodwork and such so we just had the ultrasound. The baby measured perfectly. No indicators for Downs or any of the other chromosomal issues that can come up. So basically, YAY!
Hubby had not seen the little one since it was just a white blob on the screen. I watched him watch the screen as much as I watched the actual ultrasound. His face was amazing to watch. The sonographer was great. She told us everything that she was measuring and pointed out each different body part. The baby was jumping around and flipping over so much that she had a bit of trouble getting to everything, but in the end, after jabbing the baby (and of course me) several times she got the kid to quit mooning us and was able to get the all important neck measurement. Prefect.
It was so cool to see the kid flipping around. It is very surreal to see and to know that its happening inside my body and yet I can't feel it. I can't wait to feel it!
Hubby had not seen the little one since it was just a white blob on the screen. I watched him watch the screen as much as I watched the actual ultrasound. His face was amazing to watch. The sonographer was great. She told us everything that she was measuring and pointed out each different body part. The baby was jumping around and flipping over so much that she had a bit of trouble getting to everything, but in the end, after jabbing the baby (and of course me) several times she got the kid to quit mooning us and was able to get the all important neck measurement. Prefect.
It was so cool to see the kid flipping around. It is very surreal to see and to know that its happening inside my body and yet I can't feel it. I can't wait to feel it!
When she typed in the "Hi Mom & Dad," hubby got huge eyes. I think he realized "Whoa, thats us!"
This one cracked us up. I looks like the kid is kicked back in a hammock with a smoke :)
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
How Quickly It Happens
I have become boring. I was talking to some friends that I haven't seen in a few months yesterday. They wanted to know what we had been up to since we last saw each other. My only response was "sleep." And its pretty much true. I am so tired most of the time.
There are a few exceptions. Last night I went into the kitchen to make dinner, but the kitchen was too dirty so I scrubbed. The whole kitchen. And today I am paying the price. I am SOOOO sleepy. Only 45 minutes til I get off work. I might be able to make it without nodding off.
Yep, I'm so boring that I can't think of a thing to blog about. I have two thoughts right now: Sleep and dinner. I'm hoping the 2nd trimester energy will kick in soon. Please, kick in soon.
Oh yeah! Tomorrow is officially 13 weeks!!!! As long as I make it to tomorrow, I have survived the 1st trimester! And best of all...tomorrow is our NT scan so we get to see the baby again!!!
There are a few exceptions. Last night I went into the kitchen to make dinner, but the kitchen was too dirty so I scrubbed. The whole kitchen. And today I am paying the price. I am SOOOO sleepy. Only 45 minutes til I get off work. I might be able to make it without nodding off.
Yep, I'm so boring that I can't think of a thing to blog about. I have two thoughts right now: Sleep and dinner. I'm hoping the 2nd trimester energy will kick in soon. Please, kick in soon.
Oh yeah! Tomorrow is officially 13 weeks!!!! As long as I make it to tomorrow, I have survived the 1st trimester! And best of all...tomorrow is our NT scan so we get to see the baby again!!!
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