Thursday, October 13, 2011

The Many Way an Infertile's Pregnancy is Different

I have been thinking a lot lately about the many ways that my pregnancy will be different than it would have been had I gotten pregnant quickly without all of this struggle. I thought I would start a list and probably add to it later on in future posts. So here we go:
  • I feel like there is less of an "unreal" feeling. This baby has been so wanted that as soon as I got that pink line, it was real. If I knew if it was a boy or girl, we would have a name and already be using it.
  • My hubby is actually ready and excited. I was worried that he would never be actually happy about it. It took years for me to get him to agree that we were ready to try. When it finally happened, he looked at me with the hugest grin on his face. I think he was more excited than I was at first. He is already talking to the baby. I didn't expect that.
  • I am so overwhelmingly aware of all the things that can go wrong. I think that lots of fertiles live in blissful ignorance unless they have a loss. But us infertiles have researched and studied and worried. We know what can go wrong. And we know how easy it is to end up on the wrong side of the odds.
  • All of the annoyances seem to bug me less. Granted, when I feel crappy, I complain to the hubby (but that is mainly so he will rub my back). But in reality, after I mentally whine I start to celebrate. Feeling crappy means things are happening. Since I can't feel the baby yet, I need the crappy feelings to assure me that its still in there doing its thing.
  • In some ways I prepared for pregnancy earlier and in some ways later. Because of the IVF, I had to start wearing maternity pants almost immediately. That was terrifying. What if I lost the kiddo? Then I would have these pants sitting here mocking me. So I went and bought stretchy skirts. Not specifically maternity, but totally usable for most of the pregnancy.
  • I ended up telling lots of people about the baby earlier than most non-IFers would. I know that is probably not typical for many IFers, but I was very open about the IVF so lots of people asked. In the end I felt that if I told them about the IVF I could tell them about a loss. So most of the people around me knew about the pregnancy as early a 7 weeks.
  • Today I am 14 weeks and I am very scared of buying anything. After the first trimester, lots of non-IFers start shopping. I have one bag of stuff that I bought and even that scares me (I couldn't resist thought. There was a bag sale at my local thrift store so I got a bag full of adorable onesies for $7). Currently the bag is hidden away in the closet of what will be the baby's room. I keep thinking that once I feel it move, I will be ready, but who knows.
That's all for now, but I'm sure at some point I will think of other things. Do you ladies have any thoughts?


  1. I didn't really buy anything until 24wks, and even then... I was still sort of tucking things away. Most people I know IRL (non-IF and people who haven't been through a loss) all started shopping much earlier, and acting like this was a done deal way before me. But that's just not how it is. You do things in your own time, when you're ready. And don't worry about being different :) I think everything you wrote sounds pretty normal to me.

  2. I agree that what you're feeling seems pretty normal. At least, I can definitely relate to it. When my SIL got pregnant, she seemed 100% sure of the pregnancy the second she found out. I'm 9 weeks, and I don't know if I'll ever get there. As you said, all my research has made me very aware of every single thing that can go wrong. I guess all we can do is try to focus on the present.

    Anyway, on a more positive note: a whole bag of onesies for $7?? Pictures, please =)

  3. I have to say - I love your openness and your outlook on IVF education. You are one amazing woman and I really admire the approach you have taken. I know it isn't always easy and it opens the door to stupid comments at times. I am grateful for it though - have learned a lot! I am so glad your hubby has come around on the kiddo thing - I think you are the only person in the world who could have ever gotten him to that point. :-) Love ya!