- I feel like there is less of an "unreal" feeling. This baby has been so wanted that as soon as I got that pink line, it was real. If I knew if it was a boy or girl, we would have a name and already be using it.
- My hubby is actually ready and excited. I was worried that he would never be actually happy about it. It took years for me to get him to agree that we were ready to try. When it finally happened, he looked at me with the hugest grin on his face. I think he was more excited than I was at first. He is already talking to the baby. I didn't expect that.
- I am so overwhelmingly aware of all the things that can go wrong. I think that lots of fertiles live in blissful ignorance unless they have a loss. But us infertiles have researched and studied and worried. We know what can go wrong. And we know how easy it is to end up on the wrong side of the odds.
- All of the annoyances seem to bug me less. Granted, when I feel crappy, I complain to the hubby (but that is mainly so he will rub my back). But in reality, after I mentally whine I start to celebrate. Feeling crappy means things are happening. Since I can't feel the baby yet, I need the crappy feelings to assure me that its still in there doing its thing.
- In some ways I prepared for pregnancy earlier and in some ways later. Because of the IVF, I had to start wearing maternity pants almost immediately. That was terrifying. What if I lost the kiddo? Then I would have these pants sitting here mocking me. So I went and bought stretchy skirts. Not specifically maternity, but totally usable for most of the pregnancy.
- I ended up telling lots of people about the baby earlier than most non-IFers would. I know that is probably not typical for many IFers, but I was very open about the IVF so lots of people asked. In the end I felt that if I told them about the IVF I could tell them about a loss. So most of the people around me knew about the pregnancy as early a 7 weeks.
- Today I am 14 weeks and I am very scared of buying anything. After the first trimester, lots of non-IFers start shopping. I have one bag of stuff that I bought and even that scares me (I couldn't resist thought. There was a bag sale at my local thrift store so I got a bag full of adorable onesies for $7). Currently the bag is hidden away in the closet of what will be the baby's room. I keep thinking that once I feel it move, I will be ready, but who knows.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
The Many Way an Infertile's Pregnancy is Different
I have been thinking a lot lately about the many ways that my pregnancy will be different than it would have been had I gotten pregnant quickly without all of this struggle. I thought I would start a list and probably add to it later on in future posts. So here we go: