I am currently bopping back and forth between wanting our IVF cycle to get her faster and wanting to slow down and wait a while. I keep thinking, if this works, we will have a kiddo this time next year...I can't wait. Then in my next thought, I'm terrified cause this could be my last summer without kids. This just feels so much more real than IUIs and meds felt. And I've got the monthly payment to prove how real it is. I am so glad to finally be here and se excited, but also scared. I don't know how to feel. I don't want to get my hopes up. If it doesn't work, I will be crushed. I don't want to make that worse by planning all sorts of stuff ahead of time. But its hard to reel it in. I will suddenly realize that my mind has been wondering and I'm trying to decide on a name if its a girl. Or thinking, my family in Texas will want to throw me a shower about 2 months before so with an EDD of April 11th, that would be late January to early February. And how do I want to decorate the room. And the thoughts keep spiraling out of control.
I know I need to reign it in for self preservation's sake.